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Sighing Hearts... Lonely Arms...

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hello [17 Nov 2010|11:25pm]

HEY!! thought you will like to know that Candi_Cruz its now live on dirtystage watch it now.. don miss it!

Skeleton [05 Apr 2009|05:07pm]

Skeletons in my closet
Scratching inside my head.
Trying to escape,
Aching to be free,
Pushing at the walls,
screaming at me.

A smile spreads across
The surface of my face.
But behind the skin,
Behind my eyes,
sitting in silence,
is this web of lies.

Eventually he escaped
one skeleton, on the loose
Mysterious and cruel
Beautiful, sweet and dark
And we both know
He's the one who broke my heart.

I firmly lock the rest away
and I mute their screaming sounds.
Never again will they speak.
I learned from my mistakes
it causes too much trouble,
no skeleton again shall escape.
-Separated by Distance-

missing him :( [11 Apr 2007|09:13pm]
Heyo - My names Alyssa &&my boyfriend is Patrick. We've been together since 9.3.05. We obviously planned this poorly because it was immediatly a long-distance relationship since he goes to UMich, while I'm an OU (about an hour &30 min. away). We usually talk everyday &see each other most weekends. That was, of course, until I started studying in Italy 2 1/2 weeks ago. Before I left we set up a weekly "phone-date", that way we would have something to look forward to, and wouldn't have to worry about expensive missed calls. This is hard for me though, because I'm used to talking to him atleast once a day, not once a week. Also, the stress is starting to build up which is making things more difficult.. neither of us wants to fight, but we aren't happy not seeing each other. Just wish he had jumped in my luggage and come with me. :/ At first we were both okay with the fact that we wouldn't see each other for 3 months, but now he might be going to Alaska for the entire summer, so we wouldnt see each other until sometime in September. :/

This is just way harder than I'd like.

Thanks for listening to my whiny rambling. :)
` 3 ` Sighing Hearts -Separated by Distance-

[07 Nov 2005|06:18pm]

I just thought that I would give an update. Jimmy and I have been together for a little over a year and four months now, and we are still as happy as ever. He is still in Kansas, and I am still in Oklahoma, but we still talk everyday and visit each other as often as we can, which is difficult considering our academic workload. I'm spending Thanksgiving with his family this year and he is spending Christmas with mine, though I'm spending a week of my break (after New Year's) with his family in Puerto Rico. We break up the time so it seems shorter. We look forward to the next time we get to see each other and try not to think about the full two years we have until we are able to actually live together. It's hard, but we're doing it, and I couldn't ask for anyone better.
-Separated by Distance-

[17 Jul 2005|09:37pm]

[ mood | cold ]

I've been with my boyfriend, Aaren, since 5.08.04. We've been inseperable since.

He's in Florida now, for I don't know how long. I feel pitiful writing about here, but I guess this is what this journal community is for. I try to do things that'll take my mind off of missing him, like reading High Fidelity or practicing my yo yoing (yes, dorky I know), but it just doesn't seem to work. He has yet to call or return my emails. I miss him terribly, and want to get in contact with him. He'll be going to college soon, while I finish my last year of high school, and who knows how often we'll be able to talk then. I'm scared of losing him, because he's such a large part of my life.

Thanks for listening to my little emo rant.


` 1 ` Sighing Hearts -Separated by Distance-

[31 May 2005|09:39pm]

Hi, there! I'm a brand new member and soon to be a girl who misses her man. My boyfriend, Brian, got accepted to the Governor's Honors Program here in Georgia, where he'll be living at Valdosta State University for six weeks of our summer. He leaves Sunday for Orlando, Florida for a week and then straight to Valdosta. So, I thought it'd be nice to join here while he's gone, since I'm going to miss him a ton.

A few things about us: We've been together since October 17, 2002, soon to be three years. We're an interracial couple (he's black, I'm white), but we're really beautiful together, I promise. :) He's seventeen and I'm sixteen (soon to be seventeen). We love each other very very much and I know he's the one. That's what makes this relationship so exciting to me. :)

Anyway, just thought I'd say hello to everyone! I've planned a lot of cute things for Brian (like care packages of his favorite cookies and emails) and I get to visit him any weekend I want, so I'm going to try and head down there every so often.

-Separated by Distance-

I suppose I'm new. [22 Apr 2005|11:28am]

Turning, facing him.
His eyes bathe in the moonlight. Clocks blink 2 AM. His chest, rising, falling against mine, my ears hearing whispers of wings. "Marry me" I remember him saying.
Feeling my lips sliding, slipping into a smile, & then replying, "I do".

Memories play as dreams.
& I'm only dreaming again.
-Separated by Distance-

[15 Apr 2005|06:14am]

I have no idea which I am more of, upset or annoyed. I just know that I want it to stop. I can already tell it is going to be a long day.

When Ian is working, unless something comes up on his end, we usually meet online between 2 and 3 in the afternoon [my time]. This works very well for me because I like to have something to look forward to and know when it is going to happen. Also, I am able to ring him at work if I need to. All this is good because it helps me feel less disconnected.

I hate it when Ian has a day off because I never know when he is going to be around. We are unable to set up a time to meet since he has no idea what he will be doing. It is all very random since he is the type of person who tries to please everyone so if someone calls, he may go out and not know what time he will return since he has no idea what he will be doing. This is very hard on me because there is a possibility we will not chat. Worried that I am going to miss the moment he logs on, I become anxious and take it upon myself to sit at the computer all day waiting because I am unable to concentrate on anything else anyway. I hate that!

I know that going one day without hearing from him is not going to be the end of the world but it really gets on my nerves in the worst way and pushes my buttons. The distance turns me into an emotional wreck.
I feel guilty about this but I feel the need to be in contact every day otherwise it truly messes up my head. Distracting myself and finding other things to do becomes impossible.

When I am with him, I do not have this need to plan. Because we are together, we are able to make decisions together. When we are apart, I have no choice and must accept his decisions. I hate that but of course I could never ask him to check with me before he does anything.

We were unable to chat on the phone and resolve this because his phone was not charged and he had not put it back on the cradle. Luckily this does not happen much but it still makes me crazy. It was late so he was tired and cranky. Things were left on a weird note.

He offered to cancel his evening plans to meet me online but I felt terrible because he has every right to go out and have a good time. I told him I would be more upset if he did not go because I want him to be happy.

I am upset now because I would really like to speak with him and am unable to get in touch with him. I phoned him the moment I woke and was hoping he would have done the same. I feel hurt that he has not. I know his phone card ran out so he would have to begin by getting a new one. Money is tight so he may not have enough now to get one. Being way too modest to ask for anything, he would never ask that I call. I usually just offer anyway because I know that. Regardless, he could have sent off a quick email.

I know sooner or later we will talk this out but I definitely prefer sooner.
-Separated by Distance-

[12 Apr 2005|11:57am]

My schedule leaves me a lot of free time on my hands. For some people this would be a luxury but for me it is a curse.

The people I know here in real life are unsupportive and unkind so I am pretty isolated with the exception of LJ and my significant other, Ian, who lives across the globe.

Ian has told me countless times he loves me and is not changing his mind. He is supportive, kind, and has told me I do not need to apologise for "freaking out".

I am afraid that he is so tired lately because my emotional rollercoaster is exhausting him.
I am worried that I may be too much of a handful and am annoying him.
I am scared that he will not love me the same because I am a nightmare.
I am terrified that he will have second thoughts.
I am horrified that the relationship will change or end.
I am most concerned that by sharing these thoughts he will want to get away from me or that they will cause him to consider things he would not have otherwise thought of.
I feel guilty that my worries are making him worry.
I feel I am to blame for wearing him out.

He swears none of the above things are true but my brain is on a train ride that has no stops. I am disgusted with my own behaviour because I am a wreck but feel so out of control. How on earth do I stop myself???
` 1 ` Sighing Hearts -Separated by Distance-

[07 Apr 2005|02:23pm]

I'm glad to see that there is a community of people who understand long-distance relationships. So many people always talk about how this type of relationship is impossible. They talk about how it will never work, that you'll want to see other people, that the distance will make it too hard. I know that this is not true. If you truly love the person, none of this matters. I could wait for a lifetime for my Jimmy. I'm glad to finally have a place where I can be sappy, seeing as how most of my friends just tell me shut up. And now, I will commence with the story of how Jimmy and I met. It's long, so you don't have to read it all...but I sure do love telling it.
a very long love storyCollapse )
-Separated by Distance-

:) [01 Mar 2005|01:47am]

March means Andrew is coming in 26 days. HOLY COW. I can't wait to just snuggle with him. I just want a hug. I just want to look at him and turn away. I want to be shy around him so he can grab my hand and look into my eyes. I want to hug him and push him away just so he can pull me closer than before. I want to kiss him and smile. I want to feel his breath on my ears when he whispers that he loves me. I want to hold his hand and show him off to everybody. I want to take him to Publix and gets SUBS and buy all cheese related products and pig out in front of the boobtube. I want to go to the park with him at 1030 and just sit there with him. I want to lay out in the driveway with blankets and look at the stars. I want to go for a drive and just look over and him be there in the passengar seat. I want to take him to the mall in Ft Myers to buy a hoodie for him so I can keep his. I want to go to the movies and not pay attention to any of it. I want to sit on the couch and watch Saturday Night Live and get jealous if he looks at pretty girls. I want to punch him in the arm if he makes me angry. I want to poke his nose and tell him he's adorable. I want to wake up and know that he's in the same house as me. I want to talk to him in person rather than call him on the phone. I want to go on cute dates like all the lovely people do with their boyfriends/girlfriends. I want him to whisper in my ear that I look beautiful. I want to get to the bus stop with butterflies in my stomach. I want to see him walking off that bus and just have a big rush of emotions throughout my body. I just want him here right now.
` 2 ` Sighing Hearts -Separated by Distance-

__"I love you" letters__ [22 Feb 2005|01:41am]

Man, my boyfriend just hates to write letters. But seeing as how I am a girl and I like to get letters from him I make him write me one every now and then. Tonight, he suprised me and wrote me one all on his own. :)

his letters make me happyCollapse )

He will be here in 33 days. I can NOT wait :)

here's what he looks likeCollapse )

:) this community is darling. :)
-Separated by Distance-

[14 Feb 2005|08:45pm]

[ mood | ecstatic ]

So as you know me and Liz are over...however...I found someone else. Katie (tinkerbelladict) is the new love of my life. She's smart, she's funny, she's sweet. I think I'm in love.

"Tim, you're never single for more then five minutes" - Alyne Lalonde, my platonic friend (I got a lot of those)

X-posted everywhere

-Separated by Distance-

Happy Fuckin' Valentines Day [10 Feb 2005|12:13am]

[ mood | disappointed ]

Today Liz and I were talking, then she asked me if I ever had any pets and what their names were. Then all of a sudden I was logged out of my MSN account because "I" logged on on a different computer. I tried logging back on but my password wouldn't work. So I went to the Forgot My Password screen and when my secret Question came on the screen I realized what happened. For the question was: What was the name of your first pet? Liz hacked into my account. I confronted her with this and she denied it, she even swore on our love she didn't do it. I believed her. Then, after she logged off I tried looking for her friends on my MSN contacts. Turns out they were all deleted. For more information click here. That's...

  • Means: She was able to get to the Forgot My Password screen and enter in my email address.
  • Motive: She wanted me to Delete her friends from my contact list.
  • Opportunity: She was easily able to get the name of my first pet.
I don't want to think this, but the evidence proves it. It's not too bad that she did it, its bad that she swore on our love that she didn't do it. I really don't think she's ready to continue a serious relationship, because she obviously doesn't take it seriously.

X-posted everywhere.
-Separated by Distance-

Going Crazy!!! [03 Feb 2005|03:15pm]

[ mood | worried ]

Copied from my personal Journal:

Last night me and Liz were talking, when she all of a sudden she stopped responding, her friend Sam told me she had to be rushed to the doctor because she was having trouble breathing. Then her friend Cole came on and said he was her best friend, and he was gay, then when I asked about Liz's condition he said he doesn't remember because he was high. I then said that he really doesn't care about her, then he said its the only way he can deal with his shitty life. Then he started saying things like: you don't deserve her, you don't know the real Liz, me and her are more then friends. The last part bugged me. So when Liz got back I asked what that meant, she said they were related. But what if thats a cover story and/or shes not telling me the whole truth. I'm afraid Liz is cheating on me. :( I don't wanna think it, but I cant help it. I'm paranoid, and I don't know what to do.

x-posted everywhere.

-Separated by Distance-

Open or Exclusive? [30 Jan 2005|10:14pm]

[ mood | pensive ]

The following was quoted from my personal journal over here, during a discussion with my mom.

We then got into a discussion about my relationship with Liz. She said we should have an open relationship, but that didn't work out well last time, I got insanely jealous, it made me a little sick. But I will consider it, because she came up with a good point, I don't want her to think 10 years from now after we get married that she might have missed out on something by not seeing what else was out there.

So my question is, what do you think? Should me and Liz re-enter an Open Relationship, or remain exclusive?

X-posted to several communities.

-Separated by Distance-

[09 Dec 2004|01:07am]
I spent the last two or three days making a scrapbook for my boy. I don't think I'm all that good at making stuff, I'm not the most artistic/crafty person, but I gave it a try. Here it is, what do you think? Think he'll like it?

the scrapbookCollapse )
-lots of pics. slow computers beware.

the love letter I wrote at the endCollapse )

All the poems in the scrapbook were from me. If you want to read them, they're at http://free.angeltowns.com/raven18/poetry.html

xposted in love communities I'm in
-Separated by Distance-

[04 Dec 2004|06:33pm]
I want to make a scrapbook for my guy, and I need some ideas. I'll put some pictures of me and pictures of us in there, maybe some love quotes, some poetry, this and that...

anyone have any other ideas/suggestions/tips? Any quotes or poetry you like, or any idea for what kind of format I should do? also, how should I stick the pics/etc on the scrapbook? with tape or glue or something else?
-Separated by Distance-

x-posted in militarycouples [27 Nov 2004|04:29pm]

How much more could I possibly want to be in california right now?
Tym just called.
His sisters husband's brother (whom Tym grew up with) died last night in a car accident.
He's all confused and shook up and he doesn't know what to do....
I can't stand hearing him like this.
The shitty part about it is he JUST left here.
If that doesn't fuck with a person I don't know what does.
I don't know what to say to him or how to comfort him.
If I was there it'd be so much easier.
I really really wish I could be with him right now.

I was having such a good day...laying around playing video games...and now I'm all depressed.

ugh! why is life so unfair.

Why do young people have to die?

Tym's worried about this kid's wife...where she is...I guess no one's heard from her. He's wondering if she was in the car with him or not.

I have tears in my eyes...I...I just don't know what to do.
-Separated by Distance-

my joining [24 Nov 2004|02:58am]

it's interesting. at first I wasn't going to join here because i was reading a lot of stories about people with a boyfriend who they were away from. I read the part about a loved one and decided to anyways. I'm a special case here, so my sophomore year in high school I fell hard for this guy Brian, well time moves through things and rejection comes and goes, and somewhere and i'm not entirely sure where this guy became my big brother, my best friend, and I think about him all the time, I love him, but there are all kinds of love. I can't imagine surviving without knowing him, so I found myself feeling at a loss since he's joined the Marine Corp (4 year contract). He's in his second year and is most likely shipping out to Iraq early in 2005. I miss his talks, I miss driving around, I miss his hugs that make everything okay. So besides the fact that he's never going to be more than my most amazing best friend I think that's all that separates me from perhaps the rest here. But I joined because I figured I'd at least find some people who REALLY understand.
-Separated by Distance-

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