untoldeuphemism (untoldeuphemism) wrote in missing_kisses,
untoldeuphemism
untoldeuphemism
missing_kisses

My schedule leaves me a lot of free time on my hands. For some people this would be a luxury but for me it is a curse.

The people I know here in real life are unsupportive and unkind so I am pretty isolated with the exception of LJ and my significant other, Ian, who lives across the globe.

Ian has told me countless times he loves me and is not changing his mind. He is supportive, kind, and has told me I do not need to apologise for "freaking out".

I am afraid that he is so tired lately because my emotional rollercoaster is exhausting him.
I am worried that I may be too much of a handful and am annoying him.
I am scared that he will not love me the same because I am a nightmare.
I am terrified that he will have second thoughts.
I am horrified that the relationship will change or end.
I am most concerned that by sharing these thoughts he will want to get away from me or that they will cause him to consider things he would not have otherwise thought of.
I feel guilty that my worries are making him worry.
I feel I am to blame for wearing him out.

He swears none of the above things are true but my brain is on a train ride that has no stops. I am disgusted with my own behaviour because I am a wreck but feel so out of control. How on earth do I stop myself???
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